7.13.10
A Lesson on Ecuadorian Amor

Inspired by a conversation with a man about three times my age yesterday, here’s a little insight for you all about love here in Ecuador.

I find it interesting that there are varying degrees of “singleness” here. When Americans say “single” it means they’re single- no spouse, no boyfriend/girlfriend, nada. Here there are three main words to describe your relationship status: soltero which means unmarried, comprometido means engaged and casado means married. There’s no word for “taken” as we say; no word for “in a relationship.” I find this interesting, paired with the fact that there’s a lot of infidelity here in Ecuador. It seems to leave a lot of gray area for when you’re first meeting a potential love interest. If you’re not married or engaged, you’re not really committed yet, so no need to mention a boyfriend or girlfriend right? I can’t tell if people are joking or not when they say, “no importa” if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or “no importa” that there’s a huge age difference between the pursuer and the pursued.

While there are good Ecuadorian men here, I receive a lot of warnings to be careful. Young men especially have the reputation for being womanizers and weekly I hear stories about “committed” men being seen with other women. (To be fair, I also hear stories about women doing the same). My whole time here, I’ve been surrounded and living with single mothers. I’ve heard plenty of sad stories about fathers abandoning their kids (again to be fair, some about women too) but these women are strong, generous, caring women for it.

During Peace Corps training, one whole day was devoted to seminars about inter-cultural relationships. We were told that friendships only are very rare between males and females. Unless you’re hanging out in a large group, it’s very rare that males and female (of the same age mas o menos) hang out together. I learned quickly that this is true. If a male friend from the U.S. invited me to hang out, go on a day trip or out to eat, I would think nothing of it, happens all the time. Here you’re committing to something more if you agree to that first meeting (especially if it’s dancing- you might as well start picking out some baby names). This was a tough adjustment for me and it’s hard to explain to Ecuadorians that it’s different in the U.S. between male and female friends, they don’t really understand. While I feel these cultural boundaries are a little limiting in who I can and can’t be friends with, my new amigas are great and I often find myself part of fun, inter-generational groups of people rather than the homogenous group of twenty-somethings I’m used to, which is a change it seems I have no other choice than to get used to.